‘The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: “I’m a fraud! Oh God, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!” So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.’
I want to talk a bit about impostor syndrome. This is something I’ve been fighting a lot of lately. It’s something that all artists face a lot during their careers. That feeling that you’re just not good enough. That you have no right to be doing what you are doing. How dare you write, or paint, or create something new and wonderful. You shouldn’t be doing any of that. Just get up in the morning, go to your regular mundane job, pay your bills and go home.
Suddenly, possible even moments later, you find yourself on top of the world. Your creative juices are flowing and the magic is happening. You know what you’re doing is what you were born to do. Nothing else matters. You could happily throw everything away and just do that thing you love. Of course the reverse is also true. You’ll be mid flow and those doubts creep in. That nagging voice that tells you aren’t good enough. I had this happen recently literally mid sentence. I was working on the second Henrietta Hedgekin story. It was flowing superbly. Every sentence, every word was falling into place. Suddenly, there it was. That feeling that I am absolutely and completely wasting my time. Why was I doing this? I’m no writer. I shouldn’t be doing any of this.
Luckily I have a very good and exceptionally talented artist friend (my best friend) who understood exactly what I was going though. She had been precisely where I was at that moment and she offered the best way to view these episodes is that they are meant to keep us humble. They help us to keep striving. If you face that feeling that you aren’t good enough but you still manage to keep going, then you are doing exactly what you should be doing. It keeps us in check and stops our ego from taking over. When an artist loses that drive, that will to improve and become better than before, that is when you are truly an impostor. So when you feel those doubts, when that voice is screaming at you telling you you’re not enough, you look it straight in the eye and tell it “Maybe not, but tomorrow I will be”. And above all, do not give up doing what it is you love.